


with my feelings on fire (guess I'm a bad liar)

by Alluraallie



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Author attempts some comedy, Bad Flirting, But also, Dirty Talk, Fluff, Implied Sexual Content, Kim Yerim - Freeform, Light Angst, M/M, Making Out, Minor Character(s), Na Jaemin in Denial, Na Jaemin is a Confident Gay, barely, bffs nomin, han jisung - Freeform, he's a sensitive soul, kim seungmin - Freeform, mark lee - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-03
Updated: 2020-12-03
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:07:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27853070
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alluraallie/pseuds/Alluraallie
Summary: Jaemin is Jeno's best friend forever, but he really needs to make his crush on Jeno's boyfriend Renjun less obvious before Jeno does something rash. Like propose a polyamorous relationship in the middle of finals week.
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun/Lee Jeno, Huang Ren Jun/Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin
Comments: 8
Kudos: 105
Collections: NRMFF2020





	with my feelings on fire (guess I'm a bad liar)

**Author's Note:**

> for prompt #49
> 
> I had such a fun time writing this! I got a little carried away, but I hope whoever's prompt this was enjoys it. 
> 
> warning- there is some slight implied sexual content, but not any more explicit than the teen rating :)

Jaemin collapsed onto his bed with a heavy groan. He basked in the softness of the 1,500 thread count Egyptian cotton sheets that he bought on Amazon for $19.99. A steal if he said so himself. He curled onto his left side and breathed in deep...before remembering that he hasn’t washed them in 3 weeks. He scrunched his nose in disgust before returning to lay on his back. He sighed thinking about how disgusting the dorm looked when he walked in. His roommate didn’t do the dishes again and on top of that, Jaemin fell onto a dirty pair of his roommate’s boxers when he sat down earlier after getting home from his 8 a.m.. When he saw the scene, he could only roll onto the floor for a number of minutes before he found the strength to drag himself to his bed, which as he mentioned, was not a pleasant experience at the moment. If Mark didn’t clean up his act (or at least the kitchen floor), he swore to God he would have to either close his eyes every time he passes through the common area or permanently move in with his friend, Jeno. 

Speaking of Jeno, his phone began ringing throughout the small cubicle of space he called his bedroom. Gotta love student-living. He cut off Justin Bieber’s voice with a tap on the screen.

“Jeno you’re not going to believe what I just came home to! There was food all over the floor, he even left his dirty underwear in the living room, and to fucking top it all off the dishes that he specifically promised to do last night because ‘you look tired Jaemin, go to bed’ weren’t done. Well you know why I’m tired? Because I’m stuck playing housewife for 2 grown-ass college students. Did I black out and marry Mark? Because I think I would remember that. But if I did, maybe that would at least give me some motivation to clean up after him.”

He took a deep breath. He didn’t realize he was holding all that in.

“Jaemin, babe, are you alright? As much as you hate Mark’s messiness, I know for a fact you love him. You were just telling me yesterday about how he woke up with cute bedhead and he let you pat his hair while he ate cereal.”

Jaemin sighed, “I know, I do love Mark. I think midterms are getting to me.”

“Well do you want to come over tonight? Jaehyun’s cool. He won’t care. We can study together if that’s easier.”

“Jeno? Have I ever told you how much I love you?”

“Actually you have, many times.” Jaemin could almost see Jeno’s eye smile through the phone.

“Okay, well feel free to come over whenever. I’m attempting to do homework.”

Jaemin scoffed. “For you, that’s just like listening to music or something. Try being premed sometime.”

“Yeah, except you forgot the part where I have to write a ten page research paper. Although I’m sure it doesn’t compare to your ravioli or whatever they’re called.”

Jaemin felt laughter bubbling up inside him and before he could help it, he threw his head back, falling from his seated position back onto his greasy sheets.

“Alveoli Jeno,” he said when he calmed down.

Jeno let out an awkward laugh in response. “I think I’ll stick to dancing then. But like I said, come over whenever. I’ll see you soon.”

“I’ll be over as soon as I grab some lunch. You want anything?”

“Nah I’m good, thanks. I actually had lunch with Renjun after class earlier.”

“Ah young love. How’s Renjun doing?” Jaemin smiled at the mention of Jeno’s short spitfire of a boyfriend.

“He's good. Currently mad at Lucas because according to him his ‘het energy has been so off the charts lately he can smell it when he walks into the dorm’.”

Jaemin let out another chuckle, “I can almost hear it in his voice.”

“I know right? Anyway, come over when you can. Bye.” Jeno responded easily.

Just then Jaemin remembered an important detail.

“Wait, you called me! What did you want to talk about?” he shot back frantically, trying to get in before the line cut off.

“Oh don’t worry, it was nothing important,” smile once again evident through the phone.

“Okay,” Jaemin countered hesitantly, hoping to bait Jeno into telling him, but to no avail.

“See you in 20,” and with that, he hung up.

\--

An hour into Netflix and Chill with his best bro (because they gave up on homework 15 minutes after he showed up), Jeno’s phone began ringing next to him on the stained green couch. Little Things was sadly interrupted less than 5 seconds in, which Jaemin was a little disappointed about because he liked that song. He didn’t miss the chance to catch Jeno’s eye and mouth “Really?” with a teasing smile because the sappy ringtone was certainly a new development since they had last met up. Jeno waved him off, a hint of redness tinting his cheeks as he turned to face the opposite wall.

After some muffled babbling on the other end of the line, Jeno exclaimed, “Are you serious? _Serious_ serious? Oh my god, this is perfect,” Jeno continued chattering happily on the phone and Jaemin tuned the conversation out and peeked at his own phone, assuming Renjun got some good news.

“He’s actually here right now, I’ll tell him. Hold on.”

Jaemin glanced up.

“Jaemin,” Jeno began, putting his phone on his shoulder and turning to face him, “I know this is out of nowhere, but do you want to live with Renjun and I?”

“What? Wait, what?! What do you mean live with you and Renjun?” sputtered Jaemin, attempting to figure out what god was looking down upon him in favor.

Jeno only smiled wider. “Well, Renjun and I have been looking for a place off-campus for a little while now and we just found out we were approved! It’s a two bedroom. Renjun and I only need the one room and we figured that maybe you’d want the other?” Jeno’s voice took on a hopeful tone as he eyes up Jaemin’s face.

Jaemin heard the wedding bells chime as he stared wide-eyed at Jeno’s progressively more and more confused face.

Jaemin started speaking slowly, “For real? You don’t want to live with another couple? Or Lucas? Or someone less loud?”

Jeno chuckled. “Why would we do that when we have a perfectly great, clean, and caring roommate here who we know has been wanting to move out his place even though he pretends he doesn’t?”

The wide smile that spread across Jaemin’s face was one of complete and utter joy and he couldn’t help but tackle Jeno in a tight hug.

He heard laughter ring out underneath him, though it’s muffled because he was quite literally on top of him. “Jaemin- I can’t breathe,” he said in between wheezing. He also heard staticky phone noises that he couldn’t even begin to make out, so he reluctantly got off of Jeno and waited to hear what Renjun had to say.

Jeno put the phone on speaker. “Sorry, what did you say babe?”

“I said, I assume he said yes.” Renjun’s smile was obvious in his tone.

Jeno just held the phone closer to Jaemin.

“Yes, oh my god yes! A million times yes!”

Renjun let out a light giggle.

“Calm down Jaemin, it's not a marriage proposal. We have to find someone anyway and when Jeno told me about your situation, I thought it’d be perfect to ask you,” Renjun finished.

Jaemin relished in the warm feeling growing in his chest. How did he get so lucky to have a wonderful best friend and his BFF’s even kinder boyfriend?

“I promise, I’ll cook for you guys when I can. You don’t have to worry about messes or anything. Also feel free to have sex whenever you want, I’ll be in my room most of the time anyway. I won’t bother you, I swear.”

Jeno made an ungodly squeak at his final words and the tips of his ears turned bright red.

Renjun laughed even louder, though it was probably an attempt to hide his own awkwardness. “Jaemin, it’s completely fine. I don’t have a problem cooking either and our-,” he cleared his throat once, “sex life is perfectly fine I assure you, but I appreciate the concern.”

“Anyway Jeno, I have to go. I have a class in 15. I just wanted to tell you the news, so you and Jaemin can start packing. But I'll talk to you later, love you.”

Jeno continued staring at his phone as the call timed out. He shook his head as if coming out of a trance, blush still high on his cheeks. From Jaemin’s outburst or Renjun’s sweet profession of love, he wasn’t sure.

“I can’t believe you said that.” Jeno’s shy smile revealed no actual anger and Jaemin just smiled back sheepishly.

“Oh fuck, how am I going to get out of my lease? Student housing is ruthless.” Jaemin realized, expression dropping and hands coming to his hair.

Jeno shrugged. “Just do what I’m doing. I posted a little while ago that I needed someone to take over my lease. Someone answered in less than a week.”

“You think? I feel like it would be pretty difficult to find someone halfway into the semester.”

\--

Turned out it was not, in fact, difficult to find someone. When he told Mark about his situation, Mark told him he actually had a friend looking to move on campus and that he’d take it for sure.

Within the week, he packed the small amount of stuff in his dorm room into his car and was moved in completely the week after.

\--

The apartment wasn’t luxurious by any means, but despite its average status, it was still significantly larger than his or Jeno’s dorm. The front door opened into a small hallway. Directly in front was a living area, sparsely decorated with a blue couch (they managed to scrounge up enough money to get a gently used one), wooden table, and TV that Jeno brought from his dorm. To the right was a small kitchen. The minimal counter space made Jaemin a bit sad, but he knew he was capable of cooking just about anywhere. The dining room was an extension of the kitchen and the dining room table and chairs encroached on the kitchen space a tad. To the left was another small hallway that led to the master bedroom. This was the room Jeno and Renjun shared. It was pretty spacious and yet again sparsely decorated due to their college student budget. The only notable items were a lamp, a rug, and the abhorrently bright bed sheets that Jaemin was afraid to ask which of them bought. Their closet was filled to the brim with clothes being as it was much too tiny for two people to share.

Jaemin’s room wasn’t all that impressive. The pictures with his friends back home were plastered above his bed in heart-shaped patterns and the desk and chair his mom bought him sat perfectly in the corner by his window. His bed sheets were a muted pink and a Troye Sivan poster added a pop of blue to the otherwise neutral space. The carpeted floors made him feel cozy and for the first time since moving to college, he felt like he had a space to call his own.

The first week they all moved in, it took some navigating to get used to how everyone lived. For example, Renjun had a cup of tea at 7 a.m. every morning before classes; Jaemin usually saw him when he stepped out to shower and make some breakfast. He always asked Renjun if he wanted some too, to which he always responds that he doesn’t really eat in the morning. Jaemin still asked every morning despite this and usually ended up leaving Jeno leftovers in the fridge every time. Habit from cooking for Mark all the time. Jeno always slept in late considering all his classes were in the evening. Dance major privileges. Lowly non-creative majors Renjun (history buff extraordinaire) and Jaemin (premed pediatrician track) were forced to wake up at an ungodly hour. 

He also discovered that Jeno worked out a lot. Okay, he did know this about his friend (what kind of BFF would he be if he didn’t?), but he didn’t realize the extent until he was faced with panting breaths and sweaty clothes at random times throughout the day. Jaemin himself was pretty easy to live with, at least he liked to think. His only character flaw was to exclaim any surprising piece of news at a volume the entire complex could hear. Jeno, who was used to Jaemin’s antics, always laughed, but poor, unsuspecting Renjun always jumped. When he was blessed enough to be in Jeno and Renjun’s presence when he did it, he watches Jeno give Renjun a kiss on the cheek and Jaemin always thinks the redness blooming across his face was pretty cute.

...Okay maybe Jaemin had one more character flaw. He was a pretty chill guy a majority of the time. Always willing to go along with anything, make dinner without being asked, the type of person to get up in the middle of the movie when no one else wanted to. Except sometimes he got in exceptionally hyperactive moods. When he was in one, he bounced around the house from person to person or activity until he crashed. Unfortunately, due to Jeno’s evening classes, Renjun was home to experience the first one since move-in.

Jaemin was restless. He had stayed up all night to finish a research paper and was cooped up in his room all day. He sunk into the soft, cool sheets on his bed after his classes finished and promptly passed out. When he woke, his body was singing with newfound energy, the kind that makes you want to run a marathon or clean the entire house. He was going to do just that and walked into the living room when he remembered he wasn’t alone in the apartment anymore. He knew Mark was always gone around this time, but when he stepped out into the living room and saw Renjun’s lithe frame plopped on the couch, he grinned.

“Renjun! How are you? How was class?”

He watched Renjun grip his chest in slight shock before turning to Jaemin with a friendly smile. “Oh hi Jaemin. I’m alright. Class went well, nothing too exciting happened today. Just a typical history lecture.” He noticed Renjun was gripping another cup of tea, the aroma drawing his closer.

“Hm okay. What was your lecture about? And what are you drinking?” Jaemin responded, interested in anything and everything at the current moment.

“I’m drinking chamomile. It’s really calming. You want me to make you some?” Renjun gestured towards the kitchen.

“That’s alright. I’m not much of a tea drinker,” Jaemin smiled appreciatively.

“Ah too bad. Tea is one of life’s many pleasures.” Renjun hummed, raising the mug to his lips.

“Yeah, a shame. Good thing talking to you is another one.” Jaemin responded automatically.

Now, Jaemin was a naturally flirty guy. Stupid one-liners and cheesy comments came to him like Mark to the stove when he was cooking. He replied on instinct, like he would to any one of his friends...completely forgetting Renjun wasn’t just one of his friends.

The sound of Renjun coughing reminded him of that instantly and Jaemin immediately came to his side and patted his back in consolation.

“I’m so sorry, I don’t know why I said that. I’m not thinking,” Jaemin’s tone took on one of sincere remorse.

Once Renjun calmed down, he glanced up at Jaemin through shifty eyes, “It’s okay. I’m flattered really.” He finally worked up the courage to meet Jaemin’s eyes and was met with a flustered smile.

“Sorry, we were talking about your class weren’t we?” Jaemin refocused the conversation, eager for Renjun’s company and attention.

“I don’t want to bore you with my class discussion,” Renjun waved his hand dismissively.

Jaemin put his hand on Renjun’s arm reassuredly. “I want to hear about it! I have no idea what a history major does.”

“Well, I’m in Humanities and Cultural Studies. We’re going over the ancient empires right now. The classics like Rome, Greece, all of that. Actually today we learned the Romans sometimes flooded the Colosseum for boat battles. Isn’t that crazy? I couldn’t imagine how much water that would take!” Renjun continued animatedly telling him about class. And then after, Jaemin asked him why he chose history as his major.

“History is a part of who we are. We have to learn from it and study it to continue making a better world for today. That, and it’s super cool and interesting!” He paused, seemingly remembering Jaemin might not be as excited about history, “At least to me anyway.”

Jaemin just smiled brightly in response. Renjun was so passionate. His eyes lit up as he spoke and his hands flew animatedly around the air. But at the same time, his voice was soothing. It was easy to listen to, flowing like the refreshing breeze in the school tunnel past his ears. Jaemin could listen all day.

“Anyway, how did you get into pre med? That’s not a very easy route to take,” Renjun inquired, showing the same curiosity Jaemin himself displayed minutes earlier.

“Well, it’s simple. I love people. I love kids specifically. And nothing will bring me more joy than helping those kids heal, caring for them in a different way than a parent, knowing you have a huge impact on the well-being of children, nothing would make me happier than that.” Jaemin teared up just thinking about it. It was his dream for a long time, and as much as he hated the stress that came with premed, he was determined to finish it.

“That’s really amazing Nana,” Renjun smiled up at him with amazement in his eyes. What Jaemin said must have moved him because he had never seen anyone look at him like that before. He softly rested his head on Renjun’s shoulder. He felt him tense up for a second before relaxing and laying back into the soft couch cushions. 

“I’m a bit of an affectionate person. If it ever gets too much, let me know,” Jaemin spoke sincerely.

“This is fine. I’m just not used to it. Jeno’s not usually this clingy,” Renjun chuckled and Jaemin’s head shook from the movement. He felt a hand come up and pat his head and Jaemin hummed, happy for the affection.

\--

For the most part, living together was easy. They made a chore schedule, mostly to appease Jaemin’s cleanliness habits. Jeno takes out the trash, Jaemin and Renjun take turns making dinner, Jaemin sweeps up, Renjun wipes counters. Overall, it’s perfectly adequate for Jaemin’s taste and he doesn’t miss Mark’s roommate habits of bygone days. Since Jeno was only up with them for a couple hours before he left for class (minus the weekends), Jaemin spent a lot of time getting to know Renjun. 

Jaemin started to notice the little intricacies of behavior you only get to know through living with someone. Renjun carried himself in an almost elegant way. He flitted around the room adjusting things that caught his eye and he always moved with a purpose. He was easily focused, evidenced by the way Jaemin always startles him when he walks out of the room to find Renjun reading on the couch. He was very good with his hands. Jaemin liked watching his movements while he cooked. The birth mark on his hand only served to somehow make him more entrancing. So different from Jaemin’s chaotic way of throwing everything together.

One evening, Renjun approached Jaemin and asked if he wanted to make dinner together tonight. 

“Jeno got a great score on his first dance exam and I thought I’d make something extra yummy to celebrate,” Renjun gave a convincingly warm smile.

“Of course,” Jaemin answered easily. He’d never miss a chance to support his best friend and how could Jaemin resist the sparkle in Renjun’s eyes?

“I asked my mom for her hot pot recipe. I got the ingredients this afternoon after class,” Renjun hastened around the kitchen grabbing a cutting board, knives, and a pot.

Jaemin’s smile grew as he watched Renjun rush around the kitchen. He was clearly bubbling with excitement and Jaemin was willing to help in whatever way he could.

“Just give me your instructions chef and I’ll be on it,” Jaemin grinned and moved to grab a knife from around Renjun, not missing the way he tensed when Jaemin’s hand brushed his side inadvertently.

It was barely noticeable with the way Renjun turned to him with a cheek-aching smile. Jaemin almost thought he imagined it. _He must be more sensitive than I thought._

“Can you cut onions, mushrooms, and ginger for me?”

“You’ve got it.”

\--

Jaemin didn’t remember when he got so dizzy and started laughing like a madman, but he figured it probably had something to do with the EXO playlist he put on. They may have gotten a little sidetracked from hotpot. It started when Call Me Baby began playing and Jaemin got way too overhyped. It was his favorite title track after all. He started poking Renjun in the side which earned him annoyed glances and grumbles, but Renjun eventually acquiesced to Jaemin’s pleas to dance (only after chasing him around the room while threatening to pour hot broth on him first). The ingredients were pushed to the side, chopped and ready to put in the simmering soup and Renjun and Jaemin were stuck in a dance battle of sorts. Renjun was currently hunched over in laughter watching Jaemin attempt some kind of b-boying on the floor.

“Jaemin! Oh my god, you’re ridiculous,” Jaemin grabbed Renjun’s arm and spun him around. “Then you’ll have to try and stop me,” Jaemin replied with a wink.

When the song ended, they both collapsed onto the floor, panting and clutching their stomachs aching with laughter. 

Jaemin glanced over to find Renjun’s normally pale face dripping with sweat, flushed red, with an exhausted, yet content curl of his lips. After a second or two, he realized his racing pulse wasn’t from the adrenaline anymore and darted his eyes back to the ceiling, shocked by his own thoughts.

After a few moments longer, Renjun sat up suddenly. “Oh shit, let’s pray the broth hasn’t completely boiled away by now.” With that, he ran over to check the pot. Jaemin heard him sigh in relief and the guilt he felt by drawing Renjun away dissipated. All that remained were thoughts of shining eyes and pretty red lips.

\--

The dinner went smoothly; Jeno grinned from ear to ear. He kissed Renjun on the cheek and leaned on Jaemin’s shoulder after dinner, which was Jeno-speak for thank you. Jaemin tried to focus on Jeno retelling the story of his exam, but his mind wandered to the butterflies he felt dancing in the kitchen. His stomach churned over it again and again until Jaemin settled on the explanation that it was just a heat of the moment thing. It wouldn’t happen again. He was sure of it.

\--

One thing Jaemin loved most about his new apartment was the tranquil feeling that took over him as he woke up. Though he mostly woke to a grating alarm, their place was almost imperturbably calm. He could take his time, stretching his aching limbs without the crashing and banging that could only be caused by one Mark Lee. He also had his own bathroom which came without a roommate pounding on the door telling him to hurry up because he had class in 30 minutes. Maybe Jaemin took a little too long in the shower, but Mark could at least get a shower before he woke up considering he was awake an hour before anyway. He digressed. There was nothing Jaemin liked more than having his own space and time to enjoy it. Renjun never made a peep and Jaemin almost always found him reading on the couch, posture perfect and his nose tilted up slightly. It gave him a regal aura with his grown-out aurelian hair kissing his cheekbones. Jaemin sometimes wondered how a prince was reborn into a history-loving college student. And then he wondered when he turned into such a poet.

Jaemin tried to mind himself around Renjun mostly because he didn’t want to smother him with his overbearing personality, but also because he might be a _tiiiny_ bit afraid of his own thoughts. Renjun fortunately (or unfortunately) didn’t seem to mind however, now seeking Jaemin out since their soiree in the kitchen. Questions like, “Jaemin have you seen this?” “Guess what we talked about in class today?” followed by a honeyed smile and head pats were becoming more commonplace for them. Jaemin was pretty ecstatic. 

He was secretly afraid that Renjun and him wouldn’t get along or he would be a wedge between Renjun and Jeno, but he fit in quite well. They all had movie nights almost every weekend, went grocery shopping together, attended on-campus events, ate meals, you name it. It was all scarily natural. All the more reason why Jaemin started to get a little too comfortable.

“Hey Jaemin, I’m home,” Renjun called from the kitchen. Jaemin heard the telltale click of the door lock and he turned around, smiling brightly at the yellow-hooded boy.

“Hey, how was class?” Jaemin asked draping himself over the back of the couch, head in hands.

“Oh you know,” Renjun let out a forced laugh, “I stopped at the school cafe and picked up lunch. I got you that ridiculously sweet smoothie you like,” Renjun scrunched up his nose as if he couldn’t even bear the thought of it.

Jaemin felt his heart beat and he was sure his eyes were shining as he looked at Renjun as if he saved his drowning dog.

He strolled over and accepted the drink happily, immediately sucking down a grainy sip.

He let out a contented sigh that bordered on erotic before looking up at Renjun again.

“This drink may be sent from the sugar gods, but you’re still sweeter,” Jaemin flourished his quip with a wink.

Renjun laughed shyly, shoving Jaemin’s arm not nearly hard enough to be serious. Renjun was getting used to Jaemin’s antics, not turning as pulchritudinous (See? He was getting poetic again) a shade of pink as before, but still unable to hold back the awkward fondness he felt afterwards evidenced in the way he kept hitting Jaemin.

And that was Jaemin’s dilemma. He couldn’t stop doing it and he didn’t know why. It may be the fluttery feeling he got whenever Renjun offered such a reaction, something Jeno and the rest of his friends barely acknowledged anymore. Jaemin always liked attention. Sometimes Renjun even called him ‘Nana’ when he made him extra shy, and though Jaemin’s friends called him the nickname, it felt a little different coming from Renjun’s dulcet lips. He was worse than Skinner’s rats, always pushing a little more when he was rewarded. He told himself he was going to stop giving in because it felt wrong to flirt with Jeno’s boyfriend, even if he was joking, but when Renjun didn’t seem to mind, he couldn’t find it within himself to care too much. Renjun would probably stop him if he crossed a line.

\--

The consequences of his passivity came to a head in the form of an impromptu hair dying session with his best friend.

“Nana, you really want to do this?” Jeno looked up at him from where he was sitting on his bathroom toilet, a concerned gaze on his face riddled with mirth and fondness that rarely left Jeno’s eyes when he spoke to him.

“It’s going to look good I’m sure of it. I used an app to check and everything,” Jaemin said, pulling up the photos as proof. 

“But we’re not even dying your entire head,” Jeno held up the bottle of indigo dye in question, “You said you just wanted the front streaks done, right?”

“Jeno, I’m broke. Do you really think I can afford enough dye for my whole head? I could barely afford the time I gave the man at the kiosk in the mall for this sample size bottle.”

Jeno threw his head back and laughed, eyes crinkled like tissue paper flowers, a sight that made almost everyone he met melt. Jaemin was no different. He didn’t think he could ever be mad at Jeno, not truly. Just as well, he could not imagine those eyes looking at him with hatred, or worse even, disappointment. His thoughts instantly traveled back to his constant flirting with Renjun and the guilt he’d been trying to ignore for a month flared back full force. 

He felt Jeno apply the first globs of indigo to his scalp and the coldness was enough for Jaemin to snap out of his reverie.

“How’re classes going?” Jaemin said in an attempt to redirect his thoughts. Jeno must’ve noticed his sudden switch in demeanor because at Jaemin’s question, his hands slowed. Jeno glanced up at him with gentle eyes, barely moving as if he would spook Jaemin if anything felt off.

“Are you doing alright Jaemin?”

For a moment, all the warning sounds went off in Jaemin’s brain at once. _Oh no. Am I doing something wrong? Am I acting strange? Is something wrong? Well of course something’s wrong, but I can’t tell him. Did Renjun say something?_

Then Jeno offered another crinkle cut smile before dipping his hand back into the bowl of dye, “I haven’t gotten the chance to hang out with you recently. Who knew living together would end up with us seeing less of each other?” He laughed awkwardly after he finished speaking and focused his eyes above Jaemin’s own once again. 

Jaemin let out an internal sigh of relief. _It’s okay. Jeno’s just being Jeno. We’re okay._ Now that he thought about it, it had been a while since him and Jeno hung out one on one. Usually Renjun was always there when Jeno was, but this time Renjun decided he valued beauty sleep for an early test tomorrow morning over Jaemin’s impulsive decisions.

“That’s pretty serious. We’re going to have to start planning out times to meet like real adults then,” Jaemin answered.

Jeno lips curled slightly to let him know he was listening, but Jaemin knew he was still waiting for the answer to the question he asked.

Jaemin sighed audibly this time. “I’m just getting stressed because midterms are in a couple days. My midterms are always a pain in the ass. Too much memorization and diagrams. Not enough application.”

Jeno hummed sympathetically. “I’ll never understand how you do it. You’ve got a real passion for what you do.”

Jaemin smiled brightly. “I try to think of the kids I’ll be helping when I want to give up.”

“That’s exactly why you’ll be an amazing doctor,” Jeno responded without missing a beat.

Jaemin’s heart swelled with emotion. In all of his denial and confusion, he was afraid to admit that he didn’t want to lose his best friend most of all. Jeno was someone who always cared for him in ways no one else had before. He was never one to express in words how he felt, but it was evident every time takeout was at his doorstep when he had a bad day at school or when Jeno himself showed up at his apartment with a sleeping bag and pillow claiming he “couldn’t sleep” for all those times Jaemin cried about being homesick. Jeno was someone inexplicably good. And Jaemin thought he did a damn good job of believing in himself most of the time, but Jeno was always there to fill in the gaps in his cracked mirror. He couldn’t lose him. And more than that, he couldn’t hurt him. He didn’t trust himself around Renjun, so he had to put a stop to the inevitable while he still could.

“How are _you_ doing? What kind of challenges is the fine arts department putting you up against this semester?” Jaemin said, a dramatic flair on his words. It had the desired effect as Jeno laughed again, and he saw the concern he reserved for him leave his eyes.

As Jaemin listened to Jeno chat about his assignments and midterms, he felt his hesitation wash away like the tendrils of dye that spilled down the drain.

“You look cute Jaemin,” Jeno commented as he toweled his hair off for him, “Like a parrot.”

He felt the scruffiness of the towel leave his head before his eyes opened to meet Jeno’s crinkles staring back once more. Jeno reached his hand out to stroke through the front strands of Jaemin’s now blue hair and Jaemin involuntarily shivered as Jeno’s fingers brushed his forehead. Jeno’s soft palms left his head before he could properly nuzzle in the affection. He turned to face the mirror.

“Well, not exactly what I was going for, but parrot will have to do,” Jaemin chuckled.. _As long as you think it’s cute, it will have to do._

\--

One night’s rest and mediocre dye job later, Jaemin found himself in his anatomy and physiology TA’s office. When he arrived, he sat in the hallway seeing as the person he wanted to see was currently conversing with another student. 

Less than 20 minutes later he walked out with some scribbled down notes from his TA, Doyoung. Doyoung was way too excited at his interest in participating in extracurricular activities pertaining to premed. Jaemin was a little taken aback by how quickly his bored expression lit up when he said the word “club” and “extra practice.” Doyoung enthusiastically recommended the Premed Club that was apparently run by the lead professor of the class, Dr. Moon. He also wrote down the email of a student that formed a study group for the class at the beginning of the semester (not that Jaemin had paid any attention). According to Doyoung, Seungmin was “an avid student looking to expand his knowledge and study for tests with others.” Technically Doyoung wasn’t supposed to give out student contact information without their permission, but Doyoung stage whispered to Jaemin that “it’ll be their secret” and besides, he was sure Seungmin wouldn’t mind. 

That’s how Jaemin started to going Premed Club meetings twice a week and a study group with his newfound friends Seungmin, Yeri, and Jisung on Thursday evenings. Seungmin was kind, but serious. He always kept the other three from getting too far off track with a well-timed cough or burning look. Yeri was bright and bubbly and was passionate about her future as an ophthalmologist. Jaemin enjoyed gushing about the joy he felt about his future career with her. Jisung was the group clown and piggybacked off of Jaemin’s jokes most of the time. He complained about the crazy amounts of information they had to memorize for class and more often than not, needed to be shoved when he inevitably fell face down onto his textbook. Jaemin thought they were a boisterous, yet diligent little group and when he found the class content coming easier to him than it had a month prior, he was grateful.

Jaemin's new pastime became teasing Seungmin. It was easy to get under his skin and fluster him and Jaemin made it his life mission to do so as much as possible. “You look cute when you’re concentrating.” “J-Jaemin, that is not the answer to question three.” He found the stutter oftentimes to be a win, but he couldn’t help but let his mind wander to golden hair and cabernet stained cheeks. He quickly shook his head, forcing his focus back to the homework on his glaringly bright screen.

When Jaemin had the unfortunate disdain of thinking about his crush (though he felt bad enough calling it that), he pushed himself to keep even busier. The less time he had to sit alone with his thoughts or see the object of his affection, the better. With three weeks to go until finals, Jaemin started making himself even more scarce knowing he had the excuse of studying as his ally. He honestly couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen Renjun due to his early bedtime and Jaemin’s habit of coming home around 11 p.m. every night. Renjun usually sent him texts about dinner, to which Jaemin always responded that he was staying late at the school, and that he wasn’t available to help with a million sad faces. That became the extent of their interactions. Jaemin felt bad about not fulfilling his promise of cooking and he didn’t want Renjun to think he was untruthful about his promise to cook together more often, but when he thought of the hatred both him and Jeno would feel if they ever found out, he knew he was making the right decision.

The next week, Jaemin received the rare text while he was sitting at the campus cafe with the medical study group. He raised his eyebrows when he heard the barking text notification because Jeno was not a texter. Jaemin would always poke his thigh and call him an old man when he picked up the phone to call someone who asked him a simple question over text. “Doesn’t it make more sense to call?” he always replied, “Then nobody’s confused and you get to hear the other person’s voice.” He rolled his eyes fondly at the memory before feeling a pang in his chest. When was the last time he and Jeno hung out? Jeno used to be the one he would study with, even if they got off track, especially if they got distracted by some stupid Youtube video that would cause them to collapse to the ground laughing. More recently, Renjun had taken to joining their late nights, a cup of tea in hand, claiming he “might as well study too” since they’re being “ _so fucking_ loud, it would be impossible to sleep anyway.” He felt his eyes well up at the thought and quickly unlocked his phone. When did mundane things like that become treasured memories? Sleep deprivation must be getting to him. 

**Jeno** : hey Jaemin! I know you’re probably studying right now and I don’t want to bother you, but I was wondering if you were coming for movie night tonight :) I know you had to skip the last few because you were busy, but the new marvel movie came out a little while ago and I know you really wanted to see it, so I thought i’d ask. Remember to take breaks sometimes.

Jaemin smiled at the block of text and then sighed. Jeno didn’t know how much he wanted to say yes. Jeno didn’t know how much he wanted to run to him and cry and tell him about the internal battle that was plaguing him. Jeno didn’t know why he couldn't. Jeno didn’t know and he couldn’t know.

 **Jaemin** : hey I’m really sorry :((((((( seungmin is struggling a lot with this chapter and i’d feel bad if i left because jisung already did. Tell me how it is! <3

Jaemin ignored Yeri’s questioning stare when he raised his eyes from his phone and refocused on making flashcards.

\--

The next week, walking home Thursday night felt more melancholy than usual. Jaemin steadied his steps to match his mood, taking the time to watch as his scuffed white high-tops scraped the sidewalk with heavy steps. His bangs hung down in front of his eyes coloring his vision the same color as the sky above. He wasn’t in a rush after all, he was actually coming home a little earlier than usual. An entire 10 p.m.. 

As much as he loved Seungmin and the group he’d fondly come to call the Merry Medical Messes, these late nights were taking a toll on him. Besides coming home closer to 12 a.m. every night, he’d also been waking up earlier to avoid Renjun’s saccharine sweet voice in the morning and exchanging it for something sugary on his tongue at the campus coffee shop. On the bright side, he could see his finals study terms behind his eyelids when he had a moment to close them. But as much as he loved hanging out with friends he didn’t see as often and his study group full of people that supported and helped each other, he could no longer deny the emptiness that remained. He missed their usual movie night again. Renjun and Jeno probably watched the newest romcom tonight. Jeno probably tried to hide his investment in the main characters, but his attentive eyes always gave him away. Renjun probably got too excited when the main characters kissed for the first time and splashed tea on whoever had the unfortunate luck of sitting close. They both probably cuddled, glued to each other on the too small couch, giggled in each other’s ears at some cheesy pun, arms touching enough so their hairs brushed and gave them goosebumps. Jaemin didn’t realize when he became accustomed to being part of that equation. He was certain the couple could only be pleased at this new arrangement. After all, they had more time to spend together without Jaemin interrupting them. They could be as gross as they wanted with no need to hold back or feel self-conscious of another’s presence in the room.

It was this inevitability that made Jaemin pick up his pace. The sooner he could bury himself under his blankets, the sooner he could forget that he was doing it all again tomorrow.

\--

Jaemin twisted the key in the lock as slowly as possible. Their door was obnoxiously loud and he was courteous of Jeno and Renjun’s bedroom being so close to the door and the fact that Jeno could wake up at the drop of a pin. Once he closed the door without any major creaking incidents, he turned to tiptoe past the hallway when he heard a concerning noise. The kind you don’t want to walk in on. The one usually accompanied by creaking beds and loud music. Jaemin’s mind raced between running to his room and remaining frozen in place when he heard a bump followed by a sinfully syrupy voice wash over his ears. He took a hesitant peak around the corner, confirming his suspicions.

“Love, why don’t you wear this more often? It shows how nice your arms are.”

A chuckle followed by a stuttered breath. “If all it takes to rile you up is a sleeveless shirt, then I might have to.

Jaemin’s used to hearing Jeno laugh like that when he did something obnoxiously stupid, not when Renjun was biting at his neck. It sent a shock down his spine. He couldn’t help but appraise Renjun’s words with his memories. Jeno had been working out more lately. He followed a drop of sweat that dripped down Jeno’s bicep before moving back behind the safety of the wall. Jaemin felt his face heat up. He can’t come out now. He’d have to wait it out.

“Baby, you’re so flushed already. You want it that badly?” Renjun’s falsely innocent tone sent another chill through Jaemin’s body.

He heard wet sounds and Jeno’s panting breaths before he whispers, “We can’t do this here. Jaemin’ll be home soon.”

_Jaemin is home._

Renjun seemed to stop whatever he was doing. “Shit, I didn’t even realize the time. It’s your fault for distracting me.”

Jeno let out a confused noise that was followed by Renjun’s sweet laughter. He heard footsteps patter before the creak of a door closing alerted him that he was probably safe.

Jaemin clutched his hand to his chest and let his head fall back against the wall. He felt his pulse return to normal before he had the energy and peace of mind to tiptoe-run to his room, shutting the door swiftly behind him. As he fell asleep that night, his mind was tormented by an enthralling voice whispering indecencies he dared not consider.

\--

Jaemin woke up to the blaring of his alarm. He opened his eyes despite his body’s protests and rolled over, reaching blindly for his phone. After he handled the strenuous task of moving his creaking limbs far enough towards the side of the bed so he could actually reach his phone, he forced himself to fall out of it. He had about 30 minutes until he needed to make himself scarce. As he made his way out of his bedroom door to the hallway bathroom, he could feel the bags under his eyes entirely before they stared back at him in the mirror. He ran his hands down his face once before running his hands through his hair. The parrot blue was almost completely faded, the only remnants remaining due to his crispy over-bleached hair. He sighed while again running his hands through the front strands, remembering the way Jeno had done so after he dried his hair. At that moment, his phone lit up with a notification indicating that he had wasted over 10 minutes staring at himself in front of the mirror. _Well I’m not going to look or feel any better standing here._

The tepid water skating down Jaemin’s body rejuvenated his skin to its natural color and by the time he exited the shower, he actually felt half human. He threw on the clothes he brought with him and quickly swiped some concealer under his eyes (a trick he learned from Yeri) before leaving the bathroom to grab his backpack, wallet, and winter coat. The chill had finally settled in and it probably wasn’t long before snow would become a common scene from his bedroom window. When he checked his phone again before leaving his bedroom, he was pleased to see he got ready right on time. Renjun should be waking up in about half an hour. 

_Perfect._

He walked swiftly out of his room and closed the door behind him before jumping back so far he nearly slammed his head on the wall.

“Good morning Jaemin.”

“Renjun,” Jaemin said while clutching his chest, “Jesus, I didn’t expect to see you there.”

“Sorry,” Renjun giggled lightly the way he always did, “I didn’t mean to scare you.”

So much for not meaning to scare him when Renjun was literally sitting on the couch with a cup of tea, like the godfather waiting for his next victim to walk into his office. It was dead fucking silent.

Renjun continued, “Where are you off to so early this morning? I thought your class wasn’t until 9:30.”

“Ah yeah, I actually was going to the cafe this morning to study and grab a coffee,” Jaemin replied as nonchalantly as he could. Did he imagine it? Or did Renjun look a bit dejected when he said that.

After a few seconds of silence, Jaemin began moving towards the door again, purposely trying to ignore when Renjun licked his lips, but an image of his lips on Jeno’s neck flashed through his mind anyway.

“In that case,” Renjun started, rising to his feet and moving to the kitchen, “could I tag along? I haven’t been able to sit down and really look at the content for my humanities final.”

Jaemin stopped and tried to quell the panic rising in his chest.

“Well, um, actually, I agreed to meet up with my study group this morning, so all we’ll be talking about is medical-related stuff. I’m really sorry,” he offered his best apologetic smile.

Renjun’s face dropped again, but he quickly recovered, catching Jaemin’s eyes once more as he turned the front door handle.

“Make sure to come home for dinner tonight. You have to eat properly and we haven’t had a meal together in a while. I’m making hot pot, that sounds good right?” Renjun tried to leave no room for argument, but slipped a little when his tone sounded like he was pleading towards the end.

Jaemin tried to keep his gaze down, knowing Renjun’s eyes would likely break him.

He watched Renjun’s feet stroll closer toward him before a delicate finger on his chin tilted his face up to meet Renjun’s eyes. His heart immediately leapt into his throat at the close proximity.

How could he say no when Renjun was looking at him like that? He was weak for those eyes he hadn’t seen in months, which is why he found himself replying with a forced smile, “I’ll see what I can do.”

He saw Renjun’s eyes brighten significantly before he closed the door behind him.

\--

He really considered skipping out on dinner despite his tentative promise to Renjun. But when his study group decided to head back early because it was Friday and everybody wanted to go home and warm up in their apartments, he couldn’t find a reason to stay. It was with the heated apartment and home-cooked hot pot on his mind that Jaemin pushed himself to trek on and make it home by 7. 

When he stepped inside, he was met with the expected pleasant aroma of simmering vegetables and the unexpected sight of both Jeno and Renjun standing close to the doorway, Renjun with his arms crossed, and Jeno with an uncomfortable look on his face.

“You’ve been avoiding us Jaemin,'' were the first words that left Renjun’s mouth and Jaemin’s mind was immediately racked with guilt.

The first thing he saw was that Renjun was likely angry with him. Which meant Jeno probably was too. And what was he supposed to say? Admit it? But then how could he even defend himself? He obviously couldn’t tell them why he was. Oh shit. What could he say? They were waiting for an answer.

All of a sudden, he felt himself being pulled into a warm embrace. Loving hands immediately reached to comb through his hair. Jeno. He knew him so well. He probably knew he was panicking.

“We’re worried about you Jaemin, we’re not mad,” Jeno’s low voice washed over him like rolling thunder. Jeno continued petting his hair as he spoke. “What’s going on, hm? Are you okay? You better not be working yourself too hard.”

That’s all it took for the tears to stream down Jaemin’s face. He let it all out. Every piece of guilt he felt thinking about Renjun. Every worry that he would lose his best friend. Every ounce of exhaustion from the late nights. All of it. They cared. They noticed. And that’s all that mattered.

After one too many tears and a calm discussion between the 3, Jaemin swore to spend more time at home and study often with both Jeno and Renjun. He was able to skate by the reason he was out of the house so much by claiming he was just stressed about graduation and passing classes. They both responded sympathetically and Jaemin forgot why he thought this plan was a good one in the first place. Clearly, spending that much time away did nothing to absolve his feelings. Being home where he was loved and wanted was undeniably far superior to late nights alone in coffee shops and cold winter morning walks. 

Jaemin trusted himself. He knew he wasn’t going to do anything stupid about his crush. He had to let it fade naturally or he’d never be able to move on. For the first time in a long time, squished between Renjun and Jeno as the opening credits to Love Actually flashed across the screen, Jaemin felt at ease.

\--

Jaemin rode the high of his contentment, enthusiastically agreeing to help Renjun make dinner the next night. Jeno even offered to help too, though he was useless in the kitchen. Jaemin didn’t even care. He just nuzzled his nose in Jeno’s neck and reveled in the vibrations of his laughter.

The meal in question: pork belly and soybean paste stew. In hindsight, maybe they should’ve left the big spending until after finals week, but the tension was high when they all went to the supermarket, and their energy (and rumbling stomachs) were so infectious, the impulsivity soon followed. 

All three of them stood in the kitchen. Jaemin blasted his EXO playlist once again, because it had become the new crowd favorite while he was away (to Renjun’s embarrassed admittance). They were currently all screaming the lyrics to Tempo while Renjun frantically tried to keep all the stew in the pot and Jeno laughed every time he failed. “You’re laughing now, but you're on cleanup duty,” he said with knitted eyebrows and Jeno’s expression mirrored Renjun’s distress soon after. Even more concernedly, Jaemin was cutting the pork belly and waving around the large chef’s knife to his heart’s content, but nobody seemed to notice or care, too caught up in the bubble of honey-sweet excitement they created.

The makeshift dance floor started heating up when Monster began playing. Jeno started to do the dance at the chorus and Jaemin threw down his knife and demanded he teach them. He pulled Renjun away from the stove and towards Jeno’s eager arms, but not before he reached with lightning-quick reflexes to turn off the stove. With Jeno’s patience, they were able to learn fairly quickly, though more often than not, Jaemin preferred to make up his own moves and dragged the others into his antics until they got off track and had to restart completely. An unspecified amount of time later, they managed to get through the chorus once together. Some articles of clothing were sacrificed in the process with both Renjun and Jeno shedding their overshirts, now too stifling for the craziness of the Monster choreo. It was after this that Renjun suggested getting back to work on dinner or they’d never eat tonight. He pushed Jaemin by the shoulder back to the cutting board and Jaemin thanked the Lord he wore a long sleeve shirt today because he swore anywhere Renjun touched him would burn. To make things exponentially worse, Renjun’s loose t-shirt exposed his milky collarbones. Pretty, unmarked collarbones. Jaemin had a bit of a weakness for collarbones. When Renjun went back to the stove, Jaemin forced his gaze back to the task at hand.

As he continued slicing and placing the sizzling pieces of meat in the pan, the enticing smell lured over a drooling Jeno who insisted on putting his arms around Jaemin while he continued to cook. Jaemin sunk into the embrace a little; Jeno always had a calming effect on him. As Jeno leaned closer to Jaemin, pressing into him to get closer to the food, he felt his muscles squeezing his lithe frame. Jaemin suddenly realized what Renjun was talking about that night in the hallway. Jaemin shook his brain out of its scramble by putting all his focus on cooking lest he burn something and truly embarrass himself. 

Soon enough, the food was finished and Jaemin squirmed his way out of Jeno’s hold to grab the plates and bowls for serving.

“I have to say, I’m proud of us. I’ve never made soybean paste stew before, but this looks pretty damn good,” Renjun spoke up with a triumphant smile on his face.

Jaemin grinned back, relishing in their hard work and the pretty, beaming smile aimed his way.

“Guys, can we please eat? It’s been like two hours,” Jeno whined, shaking both of their shoulders to get their attention.

“Alright, let’s eat. I’m dying to take a bite of that pork,” Renjun said.

“I’d much rather take a bite of you.”

Now, Jaemin had self-control, he knew he did. This was the same self-control that stopped him from hanging all over Renjun like a leach, the same control that made him quit any weird thoughts about Jeno’s muscles before he could even finish thinking them. The same control that forced his mind to wander anywhere but flawless collarbones and cherry kissed lips.

Like one of those rubber band slingshots that had been pulled back too far, he was bound to snap eventually. Okay, he partly blamed Renjun. Renjun knew he couldn’t resist flirty comebacks. If the chance presented itself, he _had_ to. He didn’t think, he just did things. That was what he would tell himself later when he was lying awake in bed cursing his brain to all corners of hell. My fucking God, why did he say that?

One would assume that while Jaemin was going through thoughts like an animated flipbook, someone would’ve said something. Anything. Jeno yelling or Renjun chastising him. He crossed a line after all. But silence remained, stifling, suffocating. Jaemin thought his body was going to shatter from the inside out. He chanced subtle glances at Renjun and Jeno. Renjun looked like he was deciding if it was possible to become invisible in that moment. His cheeks were burning all the way down to those damned collarbones. Jeno, on the other hand, was completely unreadable. It was absolutely terrible because Jeno was normally very easy to read, due to being unable to hide his natural reactions. Just as Jaemin was about to say something because his body was going into fight-or-flight, meaning if he didn’t, he’d probably run out the door and never come back, he was interrupted. He only got out a quiet, “I-.” I’m so sorry, was what he was about to say. Apologize for the implications of his words and that he truly didn’t mean anything by it, it just slipped out.

A loud burst of unexpected laughter was what cut him off. He looked wide-eyed to Jeno who seemed to be in some kind of fit. His hands went to his belly like it hurt to laugh so hard and Jaemin was stuck on what would be the correct response to this reaction. This was not even in the realm of possibilities of what his mind conjured up.

“Jaemin! I can’t believe you! You’re so funny,” Jeno wheezed before wiping a tear from his eye.

“C’mon guys, let’s eat seriously. The food’s getting cold,” Renjun said exasperatedly, seemingly over his distress from earlier.

After shifting his eyes between his best friend and his boyfriend too many times to be natural, he walked towards the dining table with them.

Their conversation flowed normally after that. It was as if Jaemin hadn’t flirted with Jeno’s boyfriend right in front of him or anything. Jaemin began wondering if he was the only one acting weird about it. People don’t do this right? No matter how flirty their personality. It was not like Jaemin knew Renjun before Jeno. Maybe then “crossing the line” type of comments would be more acceptable since they were backed by a long friendship. The more Jaemin thought about it, the more wrong it felt. He felt gross. Like he was caught shoplifting and somehow got away with it despite being stopped by a staff member.

Jaemin laid awake for at least an hour that night. His feelings of general sadness and disappointment in himself gradually shifted to anger. Why did Jeno let that happen? He was supposed to tell him that type of thing isn’t okay. He was _supposed_ to be angry when someone blatantly flirted with his boyfriend. Did Jeno let just anyone hit on Renjun without a second thought? Was it just Jaemin that was the exception? Did Jeno really think he was that fragile to not take any criticism? Especially when it was warranted. 

Jeno should’ve been upset. He should’ve sat him down in typical Jeno-fashion and told him gently that he knew Jaemin didn’t mean it, but he couldn’t make those kinds of comments. Jaemin for the first time wanted to shake his best friend and ask him what was going on in his mind. But Jaemin was much too afraid to ask because of the teeny tiny bit of hope in his mind that Jeno really was just the most oblivious person in the world.

\--

Both fortunately and unfortunately, Jaemin didn’t have much time to stew in his frustration for too long. All three of them were thrown into finals week with no remorse. Sheets of paper, random notebooks, pens, laptops, and Jeno’s speaker took up permanent residence in the living room, and it was becoming increasingly common to find a boy with a head in his textbook on the floor or couch. Despite the whirlwind, Jaemin kept his promise to study together when they all happened to be available. On one of those said nights, Wednesday night to be exact, they all agreed to pull an all-nighter for their Thursday afternoon exams. 

Renjun and Jaemin had just finished their luxurious dinner of “fancy ramen,” which was code for: they grilled meat and vegetables separately so it could pass for something substantial. They put leftovers in the fridge for Jeno, who was most likely running back to the apartment from his dance history exam, before attempting to form the minefield of paper, pens, and notebooks into something conducive for studying. The two decided that meant shoving everything to one side and shuffling through what they needed for their Thursday classes before grabbing every pillow and blanket available and creating a comfortable floor space.

Jeno found Renjun sitting on three blankets at once with his laptop out and reading glasses on, while Jaemin used his entire body to sprawl across the small couch, textbook on his face. Jaemin heard Jeno laugh to himself before running into the bedroom to presumably change and grab his own materials. When he strolled back out, Jaemin had moved to a sitting position.

“Hey Jeno, how was your exam?” He asked, turning his attention to Jeno as he occupied the spot next to him.

“Exhausting.” As soon as he said the word, Jeno’s entire expression mirrored the sentiment, “I really don’t know how I crammed all that information into my head at once. I mean who even needs to know that ballet was invented in 1500 in Italy? I just want to know how to dance it.”

Jaemin grimaced sympathetically and watched as Jeno put his hands on Renjun’s shoulders who was now sitting in front of him, pulling him back until he tilted his head up far enough so Jeno could plant a sweet kiss on his lips. Jaemin smiled genuinely at the scene; his heart always felt warm when he saw his friends acting sweet and loving. It was strange. He’d think his reaction would be jealousy or disappointment, but he had never felt that way seeing Renjun and Jeno together despite his massive crush.

“How was your day babe?” Jeno inquired, eyes still trained on Renjun even though he turned back to his computer and was once again typing away. 

“It was good. My professor actually had an exam review day, so I didn’t feel like going rather than napping was a total loss.”

“What are you working on now?” Jeno began squeezing at Renjun’s shoulders lightly and Jaemin forced his eyes back on his textbook. 

“European history. Organizing my notes before I actually try to do something with them.”

Jeno hummed. “Are you guys going to hate me if I practice my choreography final here? I have to apply the concepts I’ve learned into a two minute long dance.”

“You know I don’t mind,” Renjun responded immediately.

“Yeah, go ahead Jen,” Jaemin agreed.

Jaemin found it more difficult to concentrate without the Merry Medical Messes, namely Seungmin, but he managed to sit through a whole three hours of review reading before getting restless, so that was a win in his book.

He took a break to watch Jeno who had been tackling his choreo for a while now, periodically scribbling down notes on the notebook on the coffee table in front of him. 

“How’s it going?” Jaemin asked, peering with his hands on his knees towards Jeno.

“I’m making progress. It’s almost where I want it,” Jeno breathed hard from exertion and Jaemin watched a sweat droplet slide down his neck unconsciously. He squeezed his eyes shut when his mind flashed back to unwanted scenes.

“I call a 15 minute break to watch Jeno dance!” Jaemin clapped his hands and stood, startling Renjun in his study-induced stupor. 

Jeno blinked a few times before shaking his head and rolling his eyes.

“Well now that I feel like my soul’s escaped my body, I guess I can take a break,” Renjun said with a smile. Jaemin joined him on the floor and the two of them looked up at Jeno whose expression looked visibly betrayed.

He finally reached for his speaker to connect his phone after one more noise of protest and Renjun and Jaemin clapped their hands in delight. 

They honestly should’ve known that when Jaemin heard music, he couldn’t sit still for long. After Jeno’s routine finished and they relayed their satisfaction, Jaemin pulled Renjun to his feet and began swinging him around. He successfully sidetracked them all through three or four songs before Renjun declared that they should all get back to work.

An hour later, it had to be nearing 1 am, when Jaemin's eyes were starting to go fuzzy from looking at his flashcards for too long. He couldn’t seem to get the specific parts of the animal cell correct no matter how many times he repeated them. His posture now involved sitting with his legs sprawled up the side of the couch with his head hanging down past the cushions. He glanced at Renjun. His brows were tensed in a way that seemed like he was holding back frustration as well, but Jaemin thought he looked cute. He smiled, perfectly content to get lost for a moment following the slopes of his face. His eyes stopped on the glasses perched on his nose. Come to think of it, he didn’t think he remembered Renjun wearing glasses around him before.

“Renjun?”

“Hmm?” Renjun answered without looking back from his laptop screen.

“You’re wearing glasses,” Jaemin stated.

“I am. I have been for the past…” he thinks for a moment, “I don’t know, some amount of hours.”

“I’ve never seen them before.”

“Sometimes I use them when I know I’m going to be reading for an extended period of time.”

“Ahhh, well you look so cute wearing them.”

Renjun sighed, which Jaemin knew meant he caught him off guard. 

“Jeno, doesn’t he look so cute with glasses on?” Jaemin turned to Jeno who seemed two seconds away from falling asleep on his notebook.

At the question he blinked wearily, “Renjun’s always cute, with or without glasses.”

“See? You’re so adorable Renjunnie!” Jaemin took this as an invitation to wrap his arms around Renjun's waist.

Renjun groaned and made an effort to twist out of Jaemin’s grip to no avail. He gave up, letting Jaemin happily put his head on his shoulder while he continued to work. He smiled wider when he saw the tips of his ears turn red. 

Jaemin was only sated for another 20 minutes before he felt the need to turn his attention to Jeno, pinching his cheek and ruffling his hair.

“Jeno, you looked so good dancing earlier.”

“Thanks, I hope it’s enough to pass the exam.”

“No no no no. I mean you are good, but like _good_. I kinda got distracted by your arms. I didn’t realize you worked out so much. You look like one of those sexy swimsuit models.”

Maybe that was a weird thing to say to your best friend, but honestly Jaemin’s sleep-addled mind didn’t care. His brain to mouth filter was nearly nonexistent when he was exhausted.

“T-Thanks,” Jeno made an effort to avoid his eyes, seemingly flustered by the unexpected comment. 

Jaemin’s heart flipped. Why were his friends so cute?

He made obnoxious kissing noises while scooting closer to his face and Jeno let out an exaggerated noise of distress when he got close.

“Nana,” he whined, “we have to study.”

Jaemin fell against the front of the couch making grumbling noises.

“If I look at my notes any longer, I feel like my eyes will fall out.”

“Hey, _you’re_ the one who suggested an all-nighter,” Renjun spoke up, “If you bail on me now, I won’t get you any sugary smoothies for a week.”

Jaemin pouted and begrudgingly picked up his flashcards.

Jaemin didn’t know how long it was before he inevitably got distracted again, but he was sure it had to be sunrise soon. He exhaled, letting his hand drop his notebook onto the floor with a thunk. 

Jaemin turned to see Renjun returning with what had to be his fourth cup of caffeinated tea. At the angle he walked into the living area, the light hit his face in such a way that made his skin look illustrious and smooth. The second sun of his waking hours was coming over the horizon coloring Renjun’s cheeks in red and gold.

“Renjun, if I had a nickel for everyone that was as beautiful as you, I’d have five cents.”

Renjun turned around and raised an unimpressed eyebrow. 

“The way the light is hitting you right now… I can’t explain it, but you look absolutely beautiful.”

Jaemin couldn’t tell if it was actually the rising sun adding to the tint that began to bloom on Renjun’s face, but he pretended it was to protect his sanity.

Renjun seemed at a loss for words at the compliment, opening and closing his mouth like a fish out of water. 

Just as Jaemin was about to say something else equally as stupid, he was interrupted by a loud bang of the table.

“Jeno?” Renjun asked, clutching his chest, “Are you okay?”

Jaemin also shifted his gaze to Jeno, concerned from the sudden loud noise.

“No, I-I mean yes I’m fine, but I’m not okay,” Jeno said quickly, only confusing both of them more.

“Are you hurt? What’s going on?” Jaemin asked, eyes now furrowing in concern.

“What if we all just date?! Like all three of us?” Jeno exclaimed, louder than necessary.

“Jen-” Renjun began, eyebrows furrowing even more. Jeno looked very tired, but his eyes held sincerity.

“Hold on, just think about it. Renjun, you told me you think Nana’s cute and he clearly adores you right back.”

Jaemin’s head was spinning. Is Jeno saying he knew?

“And as for me, I like Jaemin too. I think.”

“You think?” Renjun said incredulously.

“I don’t think, I know.” He said again, firmly this time.

He turned to Jaemin.

“Nana,” he started softly, “I’ve been thinking a lot lately and I’m sorry if I’m making assumptions or jumping ahead here, but don’t you think this could work?” Jeno looked at him as if the weight of the world fell on his answer.

Unfortunately for him, Jaemin’s brain had been fried since two hours ago. It was burnt to a crisp now.

“I-uh, Jeno I don’t know what to say.”

He really didn’t. Jeno just said the wildest thing he’s ever said in his life. Not that he thought it was absurd, it’s just- he never thought about that possibility at all. And he can’t think right now while he’s running on almost zero brain capacity and thinking about science. Did Jeno know about his crush on Renjun? Did he like Jeno that way? How would this all even work? The questions running around his mind drained him more than he already was.

“Jeno baby, I think you need some sleep. It’s been a long night. Honestly, we should all catch a couple hours before we have to leave,” Renjun said, standing up.

“Wait,” Jeno said, “I’m coming with you, just… I know this is kind of out of nowhere, but I’ve been thinking about it for a while. Just think about it. Seriously. Both of you.” He glanced at Jaemin.

Renjun looked conflicted, but he sighed and said he would, whether it was just to get Jeno to go to bed or not Jaemin didn’t know. 

“Alright, but we’ll have a proper discussion about this when our brains aren’t 75% caffeine and 25% exams okay? That is, if you even still think this a good idea with eight hours of sleep.”

After that, they all said their respective good nights and headed to bed. Jaemin couldn’t tell if he truly fell asleep or not.

\--

The rest of exam week was surprisingly smooth sailing. They all agreed that all-nighters were not for them and that they’d much rather take exams with a clear mind, even if they were able to memorize more that way. 

Jaemin made his way back to the apartment from his last exam with a pep in his step. He relished in the sweet release from classes for a whole month. The biting chill in the air wasn’t enough to weigh him down. He seized the opportunity to hit up his favorite smoothie place on the way back, Renjun be damned. Besides, he now knew that despite Renjun’s absolutely terrifying presence when he was filled with rage, he really was a softie. He’d buy him a smoothie whenever Jaemin asked. It was a considerable amount of power to possess, but Jaemin would wield it well...mostly. Speaking of Renjun, he was probably already back from his last exam as well. Warmth filled his own cheeks at the thought of Renjun’s frost-bitten ones, just coming in from the cold. He walked a little faster at the chance to catch the last traces of ruby on his face.

When Jaemin opened the door, the first thing he noticed was the sweet aroma of chocolate. His suspicion was confirmed when he turned to see Renjun grabbing warm mugs from the microwave.

“Jaemin! Perfect timing, I made hot chocolate for you. If you’d like some, that is,” Renjun looked down shyly. Jaemin resisted the urge to grab the mug and kiss his still-red cheeks.

“Of course I would, we have to celebrate exams being over!”

Jaemin gratefully took the steaming mug after putting his smoothie in the fridge, before blowing and taking a tentative sip. His mouth was instantly overjoyed as the sweet liquid returned the last of the warmth to his body. 

“I’m surprised I didn’t get a comment like ‘you’re sweeter than this hot chocolate could ever be’ or something like that,” Renjun said, turning to walk to the couch with a laugh.

“You were expecting it weren’t you? That’s precisely why I didn’t say it. I have to keep you on your toes,” Jaemin replied, following Renjun to the couch and taking off his coat, “Besides, you know you’re cute all the time anyway. You don’t need me to tell you.”

Renjun huffed at his flirtatious banter as always, but Jaemin saw him try to turn away before he smiled.

Jaemin felt his insides bubble up and melt away like the bath bomb he was surely putting in the tub tonight.

It was hard to believe he and Renjun barely knew each other a couple months ago. He means sure, he had hung out with him and Jeno a couple of times, but the difference between that and living together was astronomical. He loved his best friend to the ends of the earth and back, but since they were on opposite schedules most of the time, he’d ended spending way more time with Renjun this semester. They had similar interests and their senses of humour meshed beautifully, and they both shared an affinity for long, deep talks in the evenings before Jeno came home. He was grateful for everything he had come to love about him.

Jeno. He felt so incredibly lucky to have a best friend that cared for him so much. In little ways, in every way, Jeno was always there for him. Jaemin loved him like family. Without Jeno, he knows he would’ve ran himself dry this year in more ways than one. Jeno picked him back up when he inevitably fell due to his self-doubt. He reminded him of all he’s worth. Jaemin thought he was worth a million times more.

Jeez, it was only 3 and he was already getting sentimental. He couldn’t wait to spend some much needed relaxation time with Jeno, Renjun, and his family on this break from classes.

“Do you know what time Jeno will be back? You know we have to have a movie night to celebrate,” Jaemin bounced excitedly on the cushion he claimed, shaking Renjun a little.

“I think around 8 tonight. About dinner...I’m kinda broke since we decided to splurge last week. Does cheap takeout work?”

“Sounds fantastic,” Jaemin replied with a growing smile.

\--

When Jeno does arrive home, it was to another hot chocolate surprise and McDonald’s burger on the counter courtesy of his two roommates. Jaemin immediately rushed to congratulate him and all of them for finally completing their exams with an awkwardly long group hug. They settled down to pick a movie while Jeno munched away at his greasy burger. Since Renjun had control of the remote, they inevitably stopped on another cheesy romcom.

At Jaemin and Jeno’s judgemental stares, Renjun shouted defensively, “Come on! What better way to celebrate a lack of responsibilities than with unrealistic romance?” 

“Hey, that's a lot of big words for-,” Jaemin pretended to check his watch from where his head was now pillowed on Jeno’s lap, “-9:00pm sir.”

Renjun leveled him with an unimpressed stare, “What was the big word there Jaemin? Unrealistic?”

Jeno snorted from above him.

“If I have to think at all, it’s too much. I’m off duty now.” He laughed when he saw Renjun’s expression darken, but he valued his life, so he continued, “buuut I guess a romcom does sound good right now.” Renjun’s face when he said it was worth more anyway.

Renjun was just about to hit play on the remote when Jeno spoke up.

“Hey guys, before we start the holiday break festivities, we have something we need to discuss.” Both him and Renjun immediately turn to Jeno, with Jaemin sitting up from his comfortable spot.

“Have you given any thought to what I said?” Jeno continued, a heaviness to his words settling the bubbly mood.

Renjun sighed. Jaemin can’t tell if it was in exasperation or fondness, maybe both. “You were serious, huh?”

Jeno nodded resolutely. When he saw no one was going to share their thoughts, he spoke up again.

“Renjun, remember that first week when we were laying down in bed after finally unpacking everything? You kept telling me that ‘Jaemin is so cute and endearing’ and that I should’ve suggested living with him a lot earlier.”

Renjun flushed, “That was- I was-”

Jaemin looked at Renjun incredulously, feeling his face heat up despite his best efforts.

“And Renjun, you always get that look in your eyes when Jaemin compliments you. The faraway one. The one where you look like you’re hiding the brightest burst of happiness blooming in your chest. The one you look at me with when we’re alone,” Jeno’s smile grew the more he talked. He made both him and Renjun speechless.

“But Jeno, I don’t love you any less,” Renjun responded defensively.

“I know,” Jeno’s smile crinkled even more, “but that doesn’t mean you can’t love Jaemin the same.”

Jaemin watched Renjun look down, biting his lip.

Jeno turned his attention to him, “And Jaemin, I see the way you look at Renjun. Like sometimes when he does something simple for you like take a crumb out of your hair or give you half of his granola bar, you look like the entire sun rises and sets on his face. Please tell me if I’m reading this all wrong.”

“N-No, it’s- you’re right,” Jaemin looked down guiltily. 

Jeno paused all of a sudden, seeming to consider his next words, “I-I know because I want you to look at me that way too.”

Jaemin’s head snapped back up.

Jeno continued, “You do sometimes. And then I find myself craving more. Wanting to do more for you just to see you look at me that way. And it’s only now I realized what that meant.”

He turned back to glance at both of them at once, “I love you, both of you, and I want to do this.”

Renjun took a deep breath. “Jeno, I’m going to be honest. I never thought about this before until you brought it up. Jaemin, sincerely,” he shifted on the couch to look at both of them, “I have been feeling like I had a bit of a crush on you since a while ago. At first I felt bad about it, but I knew that could sometimes happen even when you’re in a loving relationship, so I pushed it to the back of my mind. But Jeno, if you’re willing to try this, I want to too,” Renjun grabbed Jeno’s hand and they both look at Jaemin expectantly.

Jaemin had been listening to everything they said with as clear a mind as he could muster in this unexpected situation. There was no question in his mind. He wanted this. He wanted it so bad. He never thought that he wanted something like this until Jeno had said it. He didn’t comprehend he might’ve been in love with his best friend for a long time and just didn’t realize. But when Jeno was talking about him, about wanting to make him happy...he felt the same way about him. He’d do anything to keep a smile on Jeno’s face. He reflected back on all the times he’s wanted to kiss Jeno when he’s had a hard day or was sleepy and clingy and smacks himself internally because that was definitely not platonic. And Renjun, well he knew how he felt about Renjun.

Yet, a sliver of doubt still made its way through. Did he really deserve this? Was he not tearing Jeno and Renjun apart? A million ‘what ifs’ roll through his mind at once and the question he finally settled on was-

“Is this really what you want?”

Renjun beat Jeno to the punch and goes to answer first, “Nana,” Jaemin’s embarrassed at how quick his heart was to react to the nickname, “These last couple months have been amazing and confusing. I never imagined someone like you coming into my life to shake up everything I thought I knew. You invaded my space, whined when I didn’t make your favorite food, and avoided me for nearly an entire month and yet, I still fell for you. Even when I was perfectly happy. Even when I loved Jeno no less than I always had. It’s like Jeno said, there’s room in my heart for one more. I just didn’t want to acknowledge it.”

Jaemin felt tears well up in his eyes, so he didn't reply when he looked at Jeno. Jeno smiled back, and it was that smile he would do anything for, “I’ve always been a little in love with you Na Jaemin.”

“I don’t know what to say,” Jaemin replied once he’d gotten ahold of his emotions.

“Say yes,” Renjun smiled widely, knowing he’s won before Jaemin even replied.

“A million times yes,” Jeno added with a laugh.

Jaemin has always been one for theatrics, but he could only find himself able to nod at their sincerity.

Kissing his now boyfriends was so much different than how he imagined it in his head. He kissed Renjun first ironically, though he knew him for a lot less time. It almost felt right though since he’d been harboring his crush since a week or so after they met. He looked at Jeno before he leaned closer as if asking for his permission. Jeno nodded slightly and Renjun pulled his face back to his with a finger on his chin. “Eyes on me,” he whispered before closing the gap.

Renjun tasted as sweet as he looked. Their kiss was a little frantic, both chasing something they wanted but thought they couldn’t have. Butterflies ran rampant in his stomach and he swore they would’ve broken free if their lips disconnected. Renjun bit his lip slightly before pulling away and Jaemin whined in his throat. The kiss fit Renjun. Sweet, fast, and spitfire-y all at once. 

Jaemin watched dizzily as Jeno claimed Renjun’s lips in a short embrace, smiling before he pulled away. Then he turned to Jaemin anticiptorily.

Jaemin wasn’t sure why he felt his face heat up even more with Jeno’s stare trained on him. His palms were sweating, the implication of everything this was finally hitting him.

Jeno seemed to sense his apprehension and pulled him closer. He spoke with their foreheads pressed together, “Hey, it’s just me. There’s nothing to be nervous about.”

Jaemin nodded before closing his eyes and he could’ve sworn he felt an ‘I love you’ against his lips before they met.

Kissing Jeno was warm. Warm and safe, like Jeno’s soft embrace. They moved slow, like they had all the time in the world and maybe they did now. It felt like home. Like hiking back to his hometown in the snow with seaweed soup on the stove waiting for him. Like all the times he was homesick and Jeno filled the gap in his heart. He felt someone’s small hand meet his own, and he half-consciously processed it as Renjun’s before the hand moved his own to Jeno’s hair. Jaemin took the hint and stroked his fingers through Jeno’s dark strands. Jeno hummed into the kiss before pulling away happily.

Renjun giggled when they parted, “He’s like a dog. He likes being pet.”

Jaemin couldn’t help but laugh as well at Jeno’s flustered face.

“If I’m a dog, then you’re an evil vampire with the way you bite,” Jeno replied with not nearly enough venom for anyone to mistake him as mad.

Renjun put a finger on his chin in feigned contemplation, “You seem to enjoy it too much for me to be evil,” he smirked and Jeno made an offended noise.

Jaemin was content to watch the two bicker. Excitement and nervousness filled his chest processing that it was not just ‘the two of them’ anymore. It was the three of them. Jeno and Renjun wanted him back. It sure as hell wasn’t going to be easy, but Jeno and him have been friends for way too long to let romance get in the way. And he’s sure Jeno could mediate any disagreements between Renjun and him. Besides, it didn’t really matter anyway.

For them, it was worth it.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading my longest one-shot to date! Comments are very much appreciated :)


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